Severe Mercies

Hello world!

It's me again.

It's been a little while, I know. And I have a (somewhat) good reason. I just hit a dead spot, questioning the Lord's purpose for me this summer. I got a rejection letter from the Governor's Scholars Program, which - to put it plainly - hurt. I mean, I can't say I didn't expect it, but rejection still hurts. I had really thought GSP was where the Lord wanted me to be this summer. It was hard to accept that it wasn't, and discouraging to think that maybe all of those times I had been convicted by a certain verse or heard a certain phrase in a talk or sermon were just me, that I had just applied them to what I wanted instead of realizing their true meaning. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to try and fit God in a box. I also missed the deadline for a camp counselor application and was sick the two days of the interview. I tried to take in stride, saying that it was the Lord closing a door that wasn't meant for me to go through.

I struggled with believing he had a plan for this summer, that he knew what he was doing. I finally snapped one night, and all of my anger and uncertainty and fear came rushing out. And the crazy thing? The very next day, I got a call from my youth leader. He wanted me to be a counselor for a middle school conference he was putting together. Haha, very funny Lord. Let me scream at you and then surprise me with blessing. I knew I wanted to be a camp counselor for middle schoolers. I didn't even think about doing it at my church, where I've been helping out with the middle schoolers for the past year. He knows guys. He does.

And that's not the end of the story. My dad, my brother, my sister, and I all auditioned for Oliver! the musical. All of us got parts. I am so freakin' excited it's not even funny. I fell in love with musical theater last summer and have not had a chance to do it since then. And now I get to spend my whole summer in a musical with incredible actors and singers. How awesome is that?

This was not at all how I imagined my summer. I had it nicely put together, with a few ifs, but not many. Each door closed. And let me tell you, I was mad. But God likes to surprise us and he delights in blessing us. After finding out these two things I get to do for the summer, I felt like I should have known. But that's just God's way. He knew my heart's desire and exactly the way he was going to fulfill it. His refusals to GSP, camp counseling, and several other things were just his mercy. He kept me from the wrong purposes.

"God never withholds from his child

that which his love and wisdom

call good.

God's refusals are always merciful.

Severe mercies at times,

but mercies all the same.

God never denies us our hearts' desire

except to give us something better."

The sweet middle schoolers 

(and fellow counselor)

I get to work with this summer.