Giver of Strength

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Oh, how much easier said than done.

Tomorrow morning, my best friend starts a new adventure at Covenant College. I can't believe that it's already here. I've only known her for two years but it feels like so much longer than that. I have so many great memories from those two years, memories where we laughed until we cried, cried until we laughed, and everything else. I will miss her terribly, her hugs every Sunday morning, her listening ear whenever I needed to talk, and her encouragement, always pointing me back to the Gospel. Yet God has plans for the both of us individually this year, and I can't wait to see what they are.

Youth group kicked off last Sunday night with a whole new crowd of junior highers. Crazy to think I'm one of the upper classmen, one of the 'big kids' that everyone looks up to. It's so different now than what it used to be. It's going to take a while to get used to it. It's all good, exciting stuff, but still, it'll take some time to get used to.

On Monday, I had orientation for BUAC, the new homeschool thing I'm doing this year. It was nice to have it the day before classes started because it took some of the nervousness away, but it hit me on the way up there that I was starting school the next morning at a completely new place. So on Tuesday, we drove up and school began. Even though it was a little bit overwhelming, all new people, new classes, new way of doing things, I still loved it. 

Quite a few other things have yet to start this fall, but thinking about all of the change taking place, I just felt like I was going to collapse under the weight of it all. Yes, all of it is good change in some way, and yes, I will get used to it eventually, but it just really hit me this week how much is really changing. There's not much that's staying the same. As I've said before, I really have a hard time with change. My momma told me once that she tries not to change things for my sake, especially if it's part of a routine.

But then a few days ago, I ran across this verse:

 The Lord stood with me

and gave me strength.

//2 Timothy 4:17

I love this mental picture. I see myself with tears streaming down my face, absolutely not having it all together, and generally just a mess. But then I see God lifting me back up again, wiping the tears from my face and whispering, "It's going to be okay. It really is. I will stand with you, I am always standing with you. I will be right here by your side the whole time, giving you strength to get through it." What a beautiful picture. It just lifts my heart and gives me peace, reminding me that no matter what happens, he is always there. Never changing. Hallelujah, what a Savior.

For My Good and His Glory

I've always hoped to be a giver of love
I've always wanted to reach the broken
But how can I do these things without grace from above?
Oh Lord, give me grace and guide me with the words You have spoken

Sometimes I question why you've put me here
And other times I think I understand
But I'm learning that Your plan is always to bring me near
And it will always be for my good and for your glory

Take this heart
Fill it to overflowing
Take this life
Let it be an outpouring
Of Your love

I'm not one to be excited for change
I like things to stay the same and I'm happy where I am
But You are teaching me that comfort should not always be my aim
I know You will use me to love and shed light in the darkness

I wrote this song about a month ago. I had just sat down with my guitar and starting strumming four chords over and over again. Then I started humming notes to go along with the chords and thought "This would make a cool song." I started looking through my notebooks for inspiration for the lyrics of the song and stumbled on a note I had written a while ago. It simply said 'Outpouring: song title.' And that's how this song was born. And I've gotta say, it was all Jesus. He gave me the inspiration, helped me come up with rhyming words, and get my point across.

In my last post, I talked about getting out of my comfort zone and how that applies to this next year of school and such.  That's really what I was thinking of while writing this song. Just the fact that, in all the new places I'll be in, God will use me to love and shed light in the darkness. For His glory. All the people I meet, all the events I take part of, everything is part of His plan. Like the last verse says, I don't like change. Plain and simple. I don't like change. And sometimes I sit and think, "I wish everything could just stay the same. I wish people didn't grow up and go off to college. I wish I didn't have to grow up and be responsible." But then I stop myself. Would I really have it any other way? Would I trade all of the change in my life, all the things that have shaped me and made me the person I am today, for uninterrupted peace and tranquility? No, I wouldn't. All those things, all those changes that put me waayyy outside my comfort zone? They ended up either teaching me some of the most valuable lessons in life or being some of the most fun I've ever had. All of them, every single one of them has brought me closer to God, whether I realize it yet or not.

Last week, I was part of a performing arts camp led by some awesome people who started a drama school in Northern Ireland. I was nervous, (big surprise there :P) as I had never really done performing arts before. We were going to be taught stagecraft, drama, and voice and then have three shows at the end of the week. Pretty daunting. But guess what? It turned into one of the best weeks of the summer. At the end of the week, I found out the leaders were Christians. I was so excited. At the end of each of the shows, they told the audience they were Christians and that they run these schools to help kids gain confidence and ultimately to glorify God. They said how they realize that all talent is a gift from God. It has nothing to do with us. That was amazing to me. My talent is God-given, and even when I'm not singing or dancing to Christian songs, I'm still using the talent He gave me.

When we realize that we could never do something on our own, all the glory goes back to God. Now believe me, I struggle A LOT with giving all the glory back to God. I like to keep at a least a little bit for myself. But that is yet another means of grace. God gently helps me realize that my gifts and my talents, are from Him. They are not mine. They are His. They are His, and so all the glory goes back to Him. I can't wait to see what changes and new things this next year brings. Am I scared? Yes. Is it outside of my comfort zone? Definitely. But God uses those scary, outside-of-my-comfort-zone changes to bring me closer to Him. And if that's what it takes, then bring it on.