Unfolding Grace

I have so many thoughts running around in my head right now, I just am not sure where to begin. I'm still trying to process everything, even though it's far from over. It started a couple of weeks ago, when my daddy lost his job. It wasn't a huge huge surprise but it still hit us hard. At first, I think it didn't truly hit me what had happened. As far as I could tell, nothing changed in my life. I didn't struggle with it as much as my parents or my siblings and I couldn't figure out why. One of my dear friends came over for a Saturday afternoon and just told me she understood what our family was going through, as theirs had gone through similar circumstances. She said if I ever needed to talk about it, she was there. I loved her for it, and it meant a lot to me, but at that point I was doing just fine.

Then my momma got a call one Tuesday afternoon when we were all at Grandmom's for dinner. She went outside to answer it, while the rest of us talked. Then she came back in, and I could tell something was wrong. She sat down and told us through tears that it had been a call about her recent mammogram, saying they had found a spot and because of her history it needed to be checked.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was pregnant with my youngest brother. I was eight. It was a hard journey for us, as I only understood a little of what was going on and my siblings were just as confused. God was so faithful to us and Isaac is now seven and as healthy as can be. My momma, for the past seven years, has had a perfect report whenever she's gone to the oncologist. When I heard there was a possibility it might have come back, a lump rose in my throat. I did not want to go down that road again and I knew for sure she didn't either.

Later that night, I went down to say goodnight to her. She was in her bedroom, and we began to talk. She told me how it was very possible it wasn't cancer. At her last appointment, her doctor had told her he thought she'd beaten it. She told me she wasn't scared that God wouldn't take care of us, but more of what path he was going to lead us down. I agreed, gave her a hug, and went back upstairs.

I sat down on my bed and just couldn't hold it together anymore. My heart was so heavy. For my mom, my dad, our family. I just started crying out God, saying over and over again, "I believe. Forgive my unbelief." I knew in my head that he would take care of us no matter what. But my heart was so grieved and full of fear. I didn't believe it in my heart. I didn't think I'd be able to rejoice and thank God if it was cancer. I knew he was good in all circumstances, and would give us grace to believe that he was and is, but it was still hard.

I picked up my Bible and my book for Bible study. My Bible study leader had just put on Facebook what chapter we were going to discuss that Wednesday night. Guess what the title was? Fighting Through Tough Times. I couldn't help but grin when I read that. That chapter was just rich with truth, talking about the enormity of God's grace and love through the tough times.

God is good, a hiding place in tough times.

He recognizes and welcomes

anyone looking for help,

no matter how desperate the trouble.

Nahum 1:7-8        

We're not giving up. How could we!

Even though on the outside

 it often looks like things

are falling apart on us, on the inside,

where God is making new life,

not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Not a day goes by without his unfolding grace…isn't that beautiful? I smiled so big when I read that. His grace lasts forever and is there every single day. 

On Wednesday my mom told me that she had read a verse in 2 Chronicles. "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you." She had called the hospital to set up a follow up appointment. The lady had said they didn't have anything for two weeks. Mom sighed, saying she just wanted to get it over with. The lady understood, and looked again. There was a spot on the very next day, "tomorrow"!  God was so faithful. It was just a reassurance, God letting us know, "I got this." 

That night, after I got home from Bible study, one of my best friends started sending me verses and lyrics from Oceans by Hillsong. Every single one of them just overflowed with truth.

My momma told me later that Psalm 34:4 also came to her mind the morning of the appointment. She went in and a couple hours later texted me. It wasn't cancer. It was only a cyst. I sat down and cried right then and there. The Lord is so good. I couldn't help but praise him and thank him for his love towards us. Today I talked to my Bible study leader, my second mom, at church. She told me she couldn't wait until we got to the other side where God had so many wonderful things planned and where we could look back and say, "God was working. And he is good.""