From My Dreams to His Perfect Plan

Almost a year ago, I was on my way to Haiti with a team of twenty awesome people. Little did I know how much the Lord would use that trip in the coming months.

A week ago, my parents got an email from one of the Vapor staff. Vapor is the organization we went with to Haiti. The lady who emailed my parents said that she knew the trip had really impacted us, especially me. She asked if we would call or email her back with our stories. My mom thought I should call her, so I did. She asked me a few questions about the trip, the accommodations and traveling and such. Then she asked me what had impacted me the most when I went to Haiti.

I told her that each morning, our leader, Rhodes, would give a talk on a certain subject, and challenge us to think about it and look for examples of it throughout the day. One of the topics was sacrificial leadership. I went to Haiti the summer before my sophomore year, which I have just finished. At the homeschool group I was a part of, my class was the oldest on campus. I remember thinking, "This is going to be great!" I was glad that we were the oldest class because I would finally have authority and leadership. My heart was selfish and prideful, thinking that by becoming a leader, I would get respect and even get what I wanted. That was honestly my heart before I went to Haiti.

God gently broke me down during the trip, using the talk on sacrificial leadership. He showed me that I did not have the right to lord over the other kids on campus, but that being a leader meant getting down and dirty with them, becoming a servant. He showed me that by becoming a leader, I was to show his love to those around me. To think about what they might be going through and act accordingly. So I became determined to give these people love. I was convicted and now had big dreams of reaching out to them and sharing Jesus' love with them. And so I tried to love them. And when I tried, I heard more of their stories, how they were hurting. And my heart hurt to think I had wanted to become a leader so I would be elevated. I continued trying to love those people, but I didn't do it wholeheartedly. In my mind, I kept thinking, "There's more time. I can wait to do more and show more love. We still have a whole semester. I still have all that time to love them." And then sophomore year ended. I felt I had failed, not done enough to love the people God put in my path. I have wrestled with that off and on the past month or so. 

Just yesterday, I was reading the blog Mundane Faithfulness by Kara Tippetts. You can read her amazing story by just clicking on "Mundane Faithfulness." She wrote about how she was able to speak at a graduation, and included her speech on her blog, a letter to the graduates. As I was reading through, this part really jumped out at me: 

"We often feel when we have not lived up to our own dreams, or when life isn't as we expected it- we struggle to feel we have wasted our lives or that we are living without purpose. Often God uses these painful edges of life to draw us into a deeper, richer relationship with him."

It made me realize that God had used me, even if the fruit wasn't as evident as I had dreamed. He used the interactions I had with the people on campus to show his love. And he continues to teach me that I am his tool, I play the background. He uses me by showing his love through me, and reminds me that it is not all about me and who I can love and whether I did enough. The conversation I had with the lady from Vapor encouraged me so much too, that God had done what he intended to do. He used those feelings of failure, those dreams that shrank to reality, to draw me and others closer to him, to continue to teach me that he alone is enough, that he alone has the perfect plan. That lesson is one I will be learning over and over again. It started in Haiti, and is continuing on. And he will continue to use me to manifest his glory and love. 

A Plethora of Mommas

Today is Mother's Day, as I'm sure most of y'all know. So many wonderful people to celebrate. Moms, grandmoms, great grandmoms. But it doesn't stop there. We can't forget those who have been like a mom to us, if only for a little while. God has blessed me with so many wonderful women that have been moms to me and others. They've grown us spiritually, asked the hard questions, and just loved us through tough times. Several people come to mind when I hear the word 'Mom,' three specifically.

First, of course, is my momma. I don't even have words to describe the blessing I have in her. She loves unconditionally, even though, especially in my case, it can be very hard. She listens and doesn't judge. Whenever I'm struggling through something, whether it be sin, relationships, or I'm just being grouchy, Mom always points me back to the gospel. That's the thing I love most about her. She never fails to say how great God is, how gracious he is to us. "There go I but by the grace of God." I love the way she and my daddy love each other. She takes such good care of him, and always listens, letting him talk about whatever he needs to. She understands Dorie, the hurricane, and knows how to calm her down and how she needs to be loved. She sees how much Elijah is like her dad, and does her best to provide him with the tools he needs to make his dreams a reality. And lastly, she laughs at all of Isaac's jokes, no matter how stupid, and takes care of all the scrapes, bruises, and bloody noses that little seven year old boys tend to get a lot. My momma is truly a gift from God to our family. And this only a little of what she does. If I told you everything, it would go on and on and on, and you would be completely overwhelmed and awestruck at the love she continuously gives to her family and others.

 


The second person is, of course, my grandmom. Grandmom is so strong, and seeing her rely on the Lord during the struggles of the past couple of years has encouraged me so much. She wouldn't have gotten through the hard days when Pop-pop was fighting cancer without God and she knows that. She carries a stack of index cards, all with verses written on them, around when she travels. Bible verses are all over her house. For the past week and a half, I've been working alongside her, planting vegetables and flowers, tilling, and cleaning. She never gives up, even when something is hard. Even when something discourages her, like her hot tub being cracked, she moves on. Grandmom misses Pop-pop. A lot. It's hard for her, because Pop-pop always knew what to do. He could almost always fix whatever was broken whether it be farm equipment or our toys. Grandmom misses him, but she doesn't let it keep her away from her children and grandchildren. During the school year, she fixed dinner every Tuesday night so Mom and Aunt Kiki didn't have to after a long day at CC. She loves on all of us in different ways and gives us opportunities to learn. She clings to God above all and encourages all of us to do the same.

And last, but certainly not the least, is my Bible study leader, Mrs. Asmus. I've known Mrs. Asmus for the past three years, give or take a few months. But especially this past year, she's been my second momma. Every Wednesday, she does a Bible study for the middle and high school girls from church and the surrounding area. This past year, I've been going about two hours early to her house because my daddy has choir practice. She always graciously welcomes me to her house and it's such a blessing to be able to sit and talk to her. I love making dinner with her for the rest of the girls. She loves on each and every one of us, calling us her own, her daughters. She encourages me by sending me texts throughout the week, Bible verses and words of encouragement. She's such a blessing in my life.

These three ladies all have pointed me back to Jesus many times. They've all loved me when I'm upset or angry or just being a grouch. They are truly gifts from God, not only to me, but to so many others. Happy Mother's Day. I love you. <3